where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
