Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I have aggressive nipples.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
