Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize
