I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
