if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Farmville is her only friend.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
