I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
