You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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