you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
