The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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