So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Randomize
