Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
