I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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