he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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