I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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