i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
