i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
