There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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