I'm so fucking centered right now
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Randomize
