well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
