would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
