I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i am craving dick and cupcakes
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
