i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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