These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
