I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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