1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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