Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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