Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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