he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
