Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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