And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
