i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
