He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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