The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
