I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
