I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
