I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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