I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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