I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
