I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
