Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
