Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
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