I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
