Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
