Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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