Me. At least after what I've been through.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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