Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
