Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
