I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
