I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
