I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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