I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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