just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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