how can u be prego again
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
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