We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
