cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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